Lauren’s Postpartum Story
As a postpartum caregiver specializing in holistic and Ayurvedic care, I encourage my clients (and pregnant people everywhere) to put some effort into making a postpartum plan. I encourage them to find the people in their community who will offer loving support, plan meals and body care that facilitate healing, prioritize rest, and recognize and honor what a transformative time the postpartum period is.
But do you want to hear my dirty little secret? Okay, so…..
I didn’t do ANY of these things.
Seven years ago, when I discovered I was expecting my first baby, I was overjoyed and a little overwhelmed. I had to figure out what I could and couldn’t eat while pregnant, what things I needed to buy for the baby, and my birth plan. The all-important Birth Plan! I took childbirth classes and breastfeeding classes and hired a birth doula, and organized tons of tiny baby clothes to be as prepared as possible. I turned to my friends for advice - and got a lot of childbirth horror stories as well as tips on handy baby products, but I didn’t even think to ask about what they did to support their well-being while postpartum. Or, to be honest, maybe they did tell me, and it didn’t even register because I was less concerned about that part.
All I thought about was my birth and my baby. Don’t get me wrong, those are two VERY important things to think about (having a whole human come out of your body and then keeping that human alive is a big deal!), but it’s not the whole story. There is so much more to it. I just had no idea. I had heard things like “birth is a marathon” and “your hormones will be all over the place.” Still, I never took the time to think about how I might need to be supported while recovering from a marathon, with my hormones all over the place, while sleep-deprived, and navigating life with a newborn. I put all of my attention to my birth, which occurred over a few days, and gave little thought to my postpartum time, which was weeks, months, and honestly, years. Once I was in the thick of my postpartum time, I felt like I studied for the wrong test.
When I finally held my baby in my arms, I was overjoyed, overwhelmed, vulnerable, strong, protective, raw, so alive, and so exhausted. It was like I was feeling all of the feelings all at once all the time. Most of all, I felt like a new person, or at least a new version of myself. And I was. I was someone’s mother now and would be for the rest of my life. I had complex feelings about it. I wanted and loved my baby so much, but I also mourned the loss of the part of me that would never be the same. I wasn’t prepared for that.
I also wasn’t prepared for how to help my body recover. My first post-birth meal was a Coldcut sandwich and a huge cup of water filled to the top with crushed ice. It was great in the moment, but I didn’t feel so great afterward. I felt empty and perpetually cold, and my digestion was off. My diet didn’t improve much after that. I usually just ate whatever was easy to grab, usually crackers.
I didn’t let myself rest the way I needed to. I figured that life with a baby was my new normal, so I better get back to “normal” as quickly as possible. When people visited, I felt I needed to be a good host. I felt embarrassed whenever someone would offer to do the dishes or fold laundry. I thought I was supposed to be able to handle those things on my own. I felt depleted most of the time, and it took a long time before I felt truly restored.
Years later, when I became a doula and started learning about how other women around the world approached their postpartum time, all I could think was, “I wish I knew about this before.” I would have done things so differently if I had known there was another way to do them. I could have let my community support me and felt rested, nourished, and seen. This is why I am so passionate about encouraging people to be as intentional about their postpartum plan as they are about their birth plan. I want to help change what we expect the postpartum experience to look like. I don’t want anyone else to feel like they missed out because they just didn’t know there was another way.
